This new ad campaign really speaks to us. What does it say? Thanks for asking:
Don’t be fooled by the feverishly groomed eyebrows and my pitch-perfect background in musical theater. I’m Zac Efron and I am a dirty, dirty boy.
I just want to love you, girl. In the back of this here…what is this, a car? A pickup? I don’t even know, gurl. And I don’t need to know, because when we’re making sweet, sweet love in the back of this vehicle, you will not care whether you are screaming on top of a diesel engine or whatever this is.
Just make sure you cheat to the light. Because this is a photo shoot for my brand-new denim sponsor, John John Denim.
And if you’re wondering if John John is slang for some sort of sexual act in the back of a vehicle, again, gurl, I have no idea. Maybe. Heh. That would be totally funny.
Anyhoo, this clothing line—it’s got, like, distressed tanks and vintage-lookin’ tees and slouchy caps that make me look like David Beckham. That is, if he had awesome eyebrows like me. Which he so does not.
So what are you waiting for, girl? Come on over here. And just turn your head a little bit that way—you’re in my light.